FROM SHOCK TO ACCEPTING MY PRESENT REALITY WITH EQUANIMITY

Equanimity: The "Secret Sauce" of Mindfulness

FROM SHOCK TO ACCEPTING MY PRESENT REALITY WITH EQUANIMITY

After six weeks in a sling post-surgery, I was shocked to find out how weak I am. I just started physical therapy, and exercises that had been easy are now nearly impossible. Despite everything I learned on my “journey through calamity”, my shock gave way to despair after experiencing considerable pain this morning trying to do the exercises at home.

As my emotional disturbance started to subside, I was able to accept that this is my present reality. The word that came to mind as I worked through my process from shock to despair to acceptance is “equanimity.” In the Buddhist Mahayana teachings, equanimity is one of the “four immeasurables” or “sublime attitudes”, along with lovingkindness, compassion and sympathetic joy. Renowned Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg calls equanimity “the secret ingredient in mindfulness”:

Mindfulness means a capacity or quality of awareness where our perception of what’s happening in the moment is not distorted by bias, old fears, projection into the future, anything that may arise, holding on, or pushing away. The quality of awareness for true mindfulness needs to have balance. So in that context, equanimity means the balance that leads to wisdom. It’s only through mindfulness, with its secret component of equanimity, that we have the right relationship to our experience to see more deeply into it, to understand it more fully, and to develop insight.^[i]

As I accept my situation, simply as it is, it becomes more workable. Accepting my current limitations with compassion and equanimity, I can chart a course forward, moment by moment. For example, after relying on my partner and friends for transportation for six weeks post-surgery, I can now drive short distances. I also know that I cannot drive longer distances at present without pain and fatigue. It’s just what is. I also know that I’m not ready to do particular rehab exercises - that will come later.

Salzberg speaks of mindfulness as not distorting the present moment with “bias, old fears [or] projections into the future.” I was definitely caught in distorting the present moment. I got hooked by my old habit of being impatient and unkind with myself and started projecting with fear into the future. So, instead of simply acknowledging my limits when I exercised this morning, I tried too hard, and ended up in more pain than was necessary.

When I’m unkind to myself like this, it’s clear that my equanimity has gone out the window. The good news is that I become aware of it sooner through my long-standing mindfulness meditation practice. My practice has resulted in greater kindness to myself. I’m able to quickly notice my negative self-talk, and can let those thoughts go, like leaves floating down a stream. I aspire to continually remember the secret ingredient – the secret sauce – of equanimity as I move forward on my path.

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^[i] S. Salzberg, “Understanding Equanimity: The Secret Ingredient in Mindfulness.” Tricycle Magazine, Jan. 2, 2024