CONTEMPLATING A MESSAGE ON A TEABAG
The Truth of Fear
“The worst enemy we have is our own fear.” That was the message on my Yogi teabag recently. What does this mean? I’ve been contemplating this question ever since receiving the message.
The Buddha taught in the Four Noble Truths that the cause of our suffering is fear. We fear losing or not attaining something we cherish, or fear getting something we don’t want. It’s all wrapped up in ego, which we cling to fearfully for dear life, trying to avoid at all cost life’s uncertainties and futilely trying to control them. As renowned Buddhist teacher Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche famously said:
“The bad news is, you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good news is, there’s no ground”.
Our futile quest for something solid to hold on to creates our suffering. Our egos can’t handle uncertainty and the groundless and impermanent nature of all phenomena (including our egos), and we act out in myriad unhealthy and unbeneficial ways, life, trying to control the uncontrollable.
Generally speaking, fear is usually the result of stories we’re telling ourselves about who we are, or about something that may or may not happen in the future. This is certainly true for me, as I navigate the uncertainties of aging, and the uncertainties of everyday life. As I contemplated the teabag’s message, I realized that reactions to fear are similar to reactions to trauma but may be more subtle – We either freeze, flee or fight. Even when fear is a reasonable initial reaction to something that arises, staying in a state of fear saps our aliveness and autonomy.
Contemplating the message on the teabag gave me an opportunity to examine how fear plays out in my own life. A recurring habitual tendency of mine is trying to look “perfect “to others in order to gain their approval, and trying to hide my human flaws or mistakes. I experience fear feel when I feel judged or seen as flawed (and who isn’t?!?) by others. I fear being rejected. I freeze or hide, or I panic and fight. That panic feels frantic, as I try to cover up what I perceive as an imperfection, cover up mistakes rather than take responsibility and correct them, or defend myself even if that defense is unjustified.
When I realize that these fears are the result of stories I’ve repeatedly told myself, I can let it go and relax. When I let go of my fear, I can see my reactions more clearly and respond more authentically. I can let down my sword and be honest. I can let go and relax into self-compassion and groundless spaciousness.