As the time for another surgery to repair my broken humerus draws closer, memories of the past and anticipation of the future have been surging and colliding. Memories and images of my fall keep popping up, as well as worries about the surgery itself and what my recovery will look like.
It has been quite a ride, and I can use this time as an opportunity to let go of hope and fear, and return to the present moment. It’s time for the rubber to meet the road of all that I have learned in this past eighteen months.
As a result of my longtime Buddhist practice and leaning into my experience as an opportunity for healing and growth, I know that thoughts of the past and future are mere illusions. Being in my body, and not my head, is the key for me. When memories of the past come up, I can allow myself to feel them in the present moment. I can then more easily let them go.
And, in getting out of my head and into my body, I can also let go of self-pity, and instead, see this time as a time of transition, a “bardo” between pre-surgery and healing. William Bridges, in his book Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, calls this time the neutral zone, a time between endings and new beginnings. It is a fertile period of not-knowing, a time of reflection and contemplating one’s values and understanding what is important, and how we want our new beginning to be. That is my aspiration for this time of anticipation.
Anticipation
Thoughts of the past and future,
Hope and fear and all the rest.
Let them come, feel them, let them go.
It’s really that simple.
William Bridge’s book and perspective on transitions has been life altering for me and apaparently his book and your Buddhist practice have been the same for you. Part of me wants to say “I’m sorry you are needing to face this next surgery” but the other part of me is wanting to say “I’m sending hugs to you on this next big adventure, Beth!” Stay present and ride the waves!
Thank you for sharing this Beth. Your strong practice path is a great help now and you are an inspiration! 🙏🏼❤️ And please know you are in my loving kindness, metta prayers.